The Birth of Oscar Wallace, an Inupiaq Angel
Ahwrey Bryant's Birth Story
Cole Raven, 9#
Leah Moen, first baby. Cameron - 5# 12 oz.
Tanner's Birth - 7lbs. 15oz. By Angela Toci
The Birth Of Samuel Grigory - 9lbs. 8oz. By Johnathan Bower, father
My Birth Story: Estella - 9lbs. 2oz. By Caressa Brannon

    I am Randi C. Madison, daughter of Carole and Randy Madison. My maternal grandmother is Madeline Carl. Tooyak is her family name, from the native Village of Pt. Hope Alaska, approximately 700 miles North West of Anchorage. The village lies on a 30 mile spit that juts out into the Chuckchi Sea, giving it its native name, Tikigak, or “index finger”. My maternal grandmother is very important to me; so is my first and only child’s birth story. Sooyook is my grandma’s Inupiaq name, and her mother Mumagin, (Beatrice Tooyak) was a midwife in the village. I have never had the chance to meet Mumagin, although I have dreamed of her holding me as a small child while singing to me, kneeling on the soft summer tundra.
    My great grandmother Mumagin delivered my mother on the floor of a small cabin in Point Hope. My grandma tells her birth story to me, recanting how she lay upon a caribou skin and held tight to two rope loops tied to strong nails in the floor. When she needed to push, nobody had to tell her. She bore down silently and braced with the heels of her feet upon a 2x4 secured to the floor. She used no drugs and needed no interventions.
    My grandma is strong, although she would not say so, “that’s just the way you do it” and that’s that. She was my inspiration to have a home birth. As an adult, I have been learning to reclaim my pride in being Native. I want to experience as much as I can of the old ways, and traditions that I have missed out on for 90 percent of my life, having been born and raised outside of Alaska. And, with the assimilation that my grandma experienced through boarding schools and from missionaries, she did not pass on the Indigenous knowledge to my mother or to us grandkids. This was one way that I could begin the reclamation. I must admit I am very proud of my heritage, and so much more now after having a natural birth, like my grandma, in the privacy of my own home.
    There are some differences between how my grandmother labored and the way I did. My husband and I have erected a yurt behind our house in Anchorage. The minute I knew I was pregnant, I thought “I will deliver this baby in the yurt.” A yurt is a round structure fashioned after a model that the nomadic Mongols used in China. Today’s yurt is built with lattice and vinyl walls and has a conical roof with a bubble shaped skylight at the center. I felt that the shape and comfort of the yurt was very womb-like and, coupled with a water birth, would be the least traumatic way I could bring our child into this world.
    It was 4 am when I felt my first contraction, but what woke me up was the feeling that I had wet the bed. “Honey, wake up, I think my water just broke. Either that or I peed.” It took a while for him to recognize what was going on. After about half an hour, Jeff was totally there for me. My labor lasted 8 hours total. He perfectly navigated the scene. He supported every contraction and was physically close to me the whole time, as I moved into a myriad of positions, responding to my every moan and facial expression. I especially remember how he would place his hand steadily on my lower back or stroke my hair away from my face. At one time we were both kneeling on the floor hugging side by side, with my head resting on his shoulder and his on the crown of my head. It was that moment when I fell in love with him all over again.
    One of my best friends was sleeping on the couch in the yurt. She was up from Seward for a yoga workshop and we had loosely planned 2 weeks prior at my baby shower how perfect it would be if I were to deliver the baby while she was here. Sure enough, it was happening. “Are you having a baby?” a sleepy, yet excited voice gently spoke from the couch. “Yes, I think I am!” I responded. Gail was amazing. During the worst of the contractions, she gently reminded me to find my bliss. Her reminders made me transcend the pain and I realized that our pain is what we make it, that childbirth is a gift, and that I can tap into the divine energy of the universe to make this a beautiful experience. I tried to concentrate on bringing my moans into my lower abdomen to help ground me. I’d take a deep breath whenever I could and use the exhale to express my pain in the lowest tone I could muster. When I let it go into higher pitches, I felt like I was getting out of control and the pain was worse.
    We called Chinmayo at 4:30 am. If I were having just contractions, I would have waited until after 6am, but my water broke and I was at a higher risk of infection and was instructed to call immediately if this happened. She came right over. At 9:30 am I was at 4 centimeters, contractions every 7-10 minutes, averaging a minute long. At 11:00 am I had progressed to an 8, contracting every 3-5 minutes. It was then that I was allowed to enter the birth pool. Was I ever happy to do so!
    I feel now that Chinmayo was like the ghost of my great-grandmother Mumagin, and my deceased mother at the same time. She was like a spirit there, barely saying a word but I was always aware of her presence. She read me like a book and massaged my lower back exactly where it hurt, gave me homeopathic remedies and tinctures, and conducted the whole day like she was leading the orchestra. I needed to fear nothing with her there, she gave me such confidence in myself and I had the utmost faith in her experience and skill as a midwife. I couldn’t have asked for a better birth team.
    When Oscar came out, I was on my hands and knees in the pool. Chinmayo and Jeff caught him. Jeff placed him immediately on my chest after I turned around to sit. I had to lift my leg over the umbilical cord! In our excitement, flushed by the endorphin rush, we stared, enamored at this beautifully alert being who held the secrets of the universe in his eyes. We forgot all together to check the sex of our baby! In a moment of reality, my eyes widened and I exclaimed: “What is it Jeff?” as I held up its bottom for him to look at. “It’s a boy!” In a high pitch, I shrieked like a sorority girl, “Oh my god! It’s a boy!”
    Jeff’s story: My first reaction was that I didn’t think it was happening. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was the real thing. After that I went on auto pilot. My main goal was to let Randi do her thing, and not annoy her by interrupting a contraction or asking too many questions. I watched and took cues from Chinmayo and our friend Gail about how I should act, because I am not normally calm. They were both very calm and gentle.
    I never once had any fear of anything going wrong. I think it was because of Randi’s way of being, even in pain she was so calm. One of my fears was to see her in so much pain, but she was such a trooper about everything. I was also feeding off her strength and I couldn’t wait to see our son! (I always knew it was a boy).
    The most amazing moment was when I got into the pool and saw the head emerge. I saw his face! I was so anxious to see the rest of his body! For the next contraction, Randi turned onto her hands and knees and the final push, only a few seconds long, shot him out into the water like a torpedo! I wasn’t even thinking, so focused I was on making sure he stayed face down to keep him from inhaling water with his first breath. I had one shot at this and the stakes were high. It all went well. I set my son on his momma’s breast and we just sat there, in the water, staring at him. His eyes were open and he was looking around and we were both talking to him as he tracked our voices. He knew us. Most definitely.
    This was the most intense, amazing, wonderful experience and feeling I have ever had. A hospital birth would not have allowed me to be such an important part of the birth of my child. A home birth is something I would definitely recommend to anyone who ever contemplated it. And in the future, if we have more children, Randi and I will always choose this option, as long as her and our child’s health, are not at risk. Thank you Chinmayo for everything you have done, you are wonderful!

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    I'm at home having the laziest of lazy days. I've spent most of my day lying on the couch reading and talking on the phone. At around 5:30 pm I was in the bathroom clipping my fingernails when, POP! And then a warm trickle down my legs. Oh my, did I just pee my pants? I waddled to the toilet and sat down, examining the liquid in my underwear. My midwife, Chinmayo, had been telling me that most first time mothers usually deliver late, and that's what I had in mind, this had to be pee. I got up, first calling my boyfriend, Bry to tell him that something had just happened, and then calling Chinmayo. At this point I had not been feeling any contractions, just the same mild Braxton hicks I had been feeling for the past 4 months. Chinmayo arrived shortly after, and confirmed that my water had broken; she noticed my blood pressure was high and gave me a large dose of magnesium. She told me to start taking my Emergen-C and electrolytes and get fed. She and Jakie, the midwife in training, would come back at 10:00pm to check my progress.
    Bry and I went along with our night like it was any other. Bry made up some buffalo burgers for dinner and I stayed nice and calm like I had been all day, lying on the couch, feeling the mild contractions come and go. I called my Mother and told her my water had broken, but no biggy, don't get all excited. I was so relaxed, I don't think the reality of being in labor had hit me, and I stayed like that until my baby came into the world screaming. My Mom did get excited, and hopped on the next flight coming from Juneau. She made the birth by 3 hours.
    By the time Chinmayo and Jakie arrived, I had left my nest on the couch and moved to my bed. The room was candle lit and smelled of the lavender oil burning. The midwives gave us our space while still keeping an eye on me. At this point I was concentrating on staying as relaxed as possible, letting my body do the work. I felt like I was in my own little world, not hearing or seeing what was going on around me. I knew my body and my baby were working together just as they were meant to. I felt pressure in my lower back, and with each contraction I would mouth one word to Bry: Rub! I laid limp and silent on my bed other than my signal for Bry to start and stop his rubbing. I let each contraction flow through my body like a wave, waiting for the euphoric pause between them. When I look back on this, I wonder if I hadn't had back labor, if I would have felt a thing at all.
    I was able to stay so silent and relaxed that at around 12:30am, when I asked Bry to get me a bowl to puck in, nobody realized that I was transitioning. After that, I let a few more contractions flow over. They had gotten strong enough that I was wiggling my legs with each. I decided to get up and move to the toilet to see if I could pee. The instant I sat down I let out my first grunt of the night. With that grunt the midwives came running in, Jackie asked me if I had just pushed. I had no idea if I had pushed, maybe? I thought the contractions were finally taking over enough for me to make a noise. After checking me she looked over at Chinmayo and told her something like she could only get up to her seconded knuckle in. Then turned to me and told me I better get off the toilet or I would give birth there. I moved to the birthing chair that was quickly set up for me. We had planned to have a water birth, but there was no time to fill the birthing pool. The next 15 or so minutes when by so fast. Chinmayo often spoke of the "primal brain" that you tap into while laboring. I believe that's where I was. Before I knew it I felt his head push out, then shortly after his whole body fell into his daddy's hands. Bry brought Ahwrey up to me. His perfect little face red from screaming was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We moved back to our cozy bedroom where we snuggled for a while before Bry cut the cord.
    Ahwrey Bryant Smith was born less than 7 hours after my water had broken. He weighed 7 lbs 2oz and was 19 inches long. It was a smooth and wonderful birth for the whole family.
    Bry and I are both so grateful that we had found such a gifted and knowledgeable midwife. Chinmayo let us be in charge of our pregnancy and birth, while making sure we were well read and educated on every choice we made along the way. We never once felt like she pushed us to go one direction or the other. Both Bry and I feel we owe much of our son's gentle entry into this world to her.

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Mother Song

Wander wild and homeless
All roads lead to you.
Riding wind and laughing moon.

Don't know who or what I am
In your arms the while.
Face of babe before it knows to smile.

My heart wrapped in your blanket sky
We're here but there's no trace.
Everywhere I turn you kiss my face

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    I think every birth story should necessarily start with a pregnancy story, so here's mine from the beginning. My husband Mike and I finally felt ready this year to start a family at age 31 (me) and 34. They say there is no perfect time to have a baby so as soon as I finished school we really had no good excuse not to and became pregnant almost immediately. My family is rather atypical of most American families, so a hospital birth was not the norm. Of course Mike's experiences were the exact opposite; however he understood how important this issue was to me and supported my home-birth decision from the beginning.
    I selected Chinmayo as my midwife as I was so very comfortable with her and her assistant Jackie right from the start, and had a lot of trust in their expertise. I was careful to consider my diet and water intake, and focused on trying to slow my lifestyle down. I was religious with my pregnancy skin care routine, and made sure to get good supplements and use natural remedies for what few pregnancy complaints I did have. Luckily, I have always had good eating and exercise habits and tended to crave fruit, vegetables, and dairy products alternately throughout my pregnancy. As a result, I gained only about 25 pounds, never experienced a bit of swelling or high blood pressure, never had a nauseous moment during my entire pregnancy, and according to my husband, (who tells it like it is) did not exhibit mood swings.
    Chinmayo provided me with tons of reading material, videos, suggested useful websites, and generally provided me with so much more valuable information than what my friends' reported from their MDs. She suggested Mike and I attend hypno-birthing classes to prepare myself for birthing, and generally made me feel confident in my own body's ability to handle whatever came my way. She also suggested that I see a chiropractor that specializes in the Webster technique as I have a minor spina bifida condition, and I was experiencing some back pain from about the fifth month. I also took up yoga for the first time until it became uncomfortable around the fifth month.
    As luck would have it, Mike and I decided to sell our home and buy a bigger home, and the stress of working with buyers and sellers without any real estate agents took its toll, and at our families' urging, we scheduled a checkup with my regular OBGYN as I was experiencing many Braxton Hicks contractions, and I could tell myself that I was somewhat dilate already at about the six-month mark. My doctor's advice was to limit my physical activities and try and remove myself from high-anxiety situations (yeah, right, like that's possible in the middle of a household move).
    The home buying and selling concluded shortly thereafter, and the contractions continued (right up until the birth), so apparently the stress was not the only cause of my excessive Braxton Hicks contractions, (up to 30 per day on some days). The good news for me was that Chinmayo predicted a quick birth as I was getting lots of "practice" with the Braxton Hicks.
    Mike and I had planned to have our parents present when our baby arrived, so his parents were scheduled to arrive on the 21st of September (baby was due on the 27th), and my mom arrive from New Zealand on the 23rd. We felt this was a good plan as we were told that first babies more often arrive late than early. Well, even the best laid plans are doomed to fail! I began experiencing more painful contractions than usual, followed with a little pain in my lower back around 2:30am on September 10th, and just waited it out for a while before I raised the alarm (I had read that false alarms were common, and I was much too early anyway). I started timing my contractions around 4:00 am and found them to be about four minutes apart, and felt they were getting more intense. I decided then to wake Mike up, but told him that there was nothing I needed him to do just yet and called Chinmayo at about 5:00 am. She asked if I wanted her to come over but I didn't feel it necessary, but wanted her to know it was happening. She asked that I try to get some sleep as we could be in for a lengthy labor and I needed my energy for birthing. I took the heating pad downstairs and tried to sleep in the rocker-recliner, and found the contractions spaced out to about nine minutes apart which allowed me to get a little sleep between contractions. By about 8:30 am I could no longer maintain a seated position during contractions so went back upstairs, paced, and tried different things to manage the back labor I was now sure I was experiencing.
    I woke Mike again at 9:00 am and told him he would have to drive me to my scheduled chiropractic appointment set for 11:00 am, hoping that might take the edge off my back labor. I also needed some last-minute supplies for baby that I had not had time to get, and knew I was probably unwise for me to drive. Mike saw I was in a lot of pain during contractions and reminded me that I needed to focus on the lessons we learned at hypno-birthing class as this was likely the tip of the iceberg. I called Chinmayo again at about 9:30, and when she asked if I wanted her to come over I was hesitant, but Mike indicated he would like her to come over anyway. I also called my good friend Ann, and she came right over too.
    Chinmayo arrived around 10:00'ish (it was harder to keep track at this point), and told me I did not look like I was in active labor, but I asked her to check me anyway as the back labor was so painful, (and I did not think I could do this for eight or twelve more hours). She was more than a little surprised to find I was five centimeters dilated and quickly called her assistants and began setting up her equipment and supplies. Mike called a couple of his friends to help him move furniture and went downstairs to ready the birthing pool as we had planned a water birth on the first floor.
    I asked to try getting in the bath tub to see if it would help with the back labor. That felt a little better, but not 20 minutes later the intensity jumped up again and I was shocked to realize that my body was already starting to push and I couldn't help but just go with it. When Chinmayo heard me start to push she checked me again and found I was already fully dilated and clearly ready to go. I could hear Mike's friends talking loudly downstairs, which seemed to really irritate me at the time as I felt I needed more privacy, so I sent Anne down to tell Mike to send them home and have Mike come up to me.
    Chinmayo told Mike not to bother with the birthing pool at that point, as this baby was coming now! Christine, Chinmayo's backup midwife arrived and I had maybe three or four strong pushing contractions in the tub with Chinmayo checking baby's heart tones after each contraction. After the last contractions and heart rate check, she told me I needed to get out of the bath into the bedroom quickly (even I could hear baby's heart rate had dropped dramatically). There they put me on oxygen and had Mike support me under my arms so I could squat/stand off the bed, but that was too low, so we moved Mike to a chair and I sat on his knees to rest and squatted down during contractions.
    Within a couple of contractions I could reach down and feel baby's head already, but it just didn't feel like a head, just folds of skin. There was definitely some burning during the last few contractions as I stretched to accommodate baby's head, and I imagine I still had the back labor along with it, but who could tell with all those powerful, intense, out-of-my-control, pushing sensations going on! After just another few contractions I was able to push baby's tiny head out, and I remember being really surprised that it had happened so quickly, but relieved anyway that I was all but done!
    Chinmayo was just wonderful during the birth, giving me positive, encouraging feedback, but not telling me what to do; just letting my body do its thing and helping to get me comfortable. After I pushed baby's head out the rest of him easily followed with one little push and there he lay all red and long and skinny like a little monkey! (That pet name stuck with him though he has started to plump out now).
    Cameron Scott Moen was born at 11:45 am on Saturday the 10th of September after less than two hours of active labor, and weighed 5 pounds, 12 ounces, and measured 19.5 inches. The next day, he had lost 4 oz, but six days later gained it all back plus an ounce. He is a great eater, and now that we have the hang of this breastfeeding thing, he is making up for the two and a half weeks of fat gain he missed out on.
    It's funny, looking back at all the preparation I did - the reading and the class, when it happened, neither my pregnancy nor my birthing was really anything like what I had been told to expect. From many sources I learned that I would likely be in labor for hours and hours as a first time mom. I was expecting to be off in this other world during birthing, not necessarily fully aware of all that was going on around me. However, I don't recall feeling that way - I really felt I was in the present with everyone there and was fully conversational between contractions. I remember commenting between contractions, "when the heck are these so-called endorphins going to kick in?!" I wasn't in control of the situation, didn't try to control it, and it all just happened so naturally and perfectly - it was at the same time the worst and the best experience I've ever had.

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    The birth of my first child Tanner was a wonderful waterbirth and a beautiful experience. I declined to take any childbirth classes. Instead I read several books and talked to several women about their experiences. The one overall advice I received was: birthing a child naturally is not only bearable, it is also empowering. That is exactly how I feel about the birth of our little boy. The entire experience was wonderful. Having Chinmayo as a midwife was wonderful and I feel blessed to have found her. From the very first consultation I had with her I felt comfortable, and I am glad I went with my first instinct that told me she would be a midwife I could trust.
    I had two days of pre-labor, which was tiring as I could not sleep and hardly eat. The third day when Chinmayo came to check me I was still effacing and losing my mucous plug. The contractions increased in strength and began to radiate into my lower back. They felt very much like really bad menstrual cramps. Throughout the morning and afternoon, I tried as much as I could to walk around and squat. I took several baths and showers, as they relaxed me and eased the pain. My husband's aunt came by to bring a meal and she ended up being incredibly helpful. She would sit with me through contractions and would rub my back, since back labor was quite painful.
    Chinmayo came and assessed my progress several times, and each time she came, I felt a deep comfort with her presence. By 2pm I was finally dilated to 2 cms and I was very happy about that. The contractions were never regular and sometimes, they would come right on top of each other without breaks. My husband inflated the pool in our living room. He wasn't sure what to do to help me. I am a modest person and when I don't feel well, I like to be alone. With the contractions however, I still wanted privacy but I felt comfort just having the presence of someone with me, holding my hand. That is all I needed. Once I told him what I needed, he was a wonderful help. He brought me tea and water with electrolytes when he thought I needed it. He reminded me that I needed me strength, so I did need to eat if I could. I had several cups of Miso soup. The warmth of the soup was soothing. I am so glad Chinmayo had told us about it.
    Sometimes in the afternoon I felt like I wanted Chinmayo to come again. I was so thankful at her ability to come so quickly and be of aid. Her quiet presence was calming. Later on that afternoon I dilated to 4cms. I had not really planned how I would labor, I just knew that I would do what felt right when the time came. Somehow I felt the need to be on my hands and knees beside my bed. Rocking back and forth through the contractions, to the rhythm of inhaling and exhaling, helped me through each contractions. Often I would just kneel against the side of my bed and rock back and forth. It was amazing to me that your body is made for the natural process of giving birth, and your instincts are pure in their ability to aid you in the process. I had read so many birth stories, all of them so different but the common fact was that each woman found the strength and the ability to labor in their own way.
    At some point Chinmayo let me know that I might want to use the breast pump to increase the contractions. She also warned me the contractions would get stronger and closer together. Do you think you can handle that?, she asked. Well, I guess I'll have to, I said. I knew that with the lack of sleep for the last two nights, my strength wouldn't keep up for much longer. So we used the breast pump and things really began to speed up then. There came a time when I lost all sense of time and place. I kept my eyes closed and focused my energy on my body and the contractions. Brian would come and have me drink water with electrolytes, or a miso soup. At one point I was in the shower and it felt wonderful. I couldn't wait to get into the pool.
    I didn't take any breathing classes either, but I felt comfortable in just breathing in and out deeply and slowly. I have always enjoyed yoga for the way that breathing makes you so aware of your body and relaxes you.
    Chinmayo told me that Kirsten, the other midwife, and her apprentice Jackie, were on their way. It was about 6pm and I knew things were happening now. The midwives were quiet and calm, rubbed my back and held my hand. They also helped me exhale in a way that worked really well to get through the contractions. When Chinmayo checked me at 8pm, I was ready to get into the birthing tub. I was so happy! The water was so soothing and it eased the pain immediately.
    I didn't feel pushed or rushed and felt in control of my labor. When Tanner finally came out, the midwives were right there to guide him to the surface of the water and help him onto my chest. They let us stay in the water until the placenta came, then helped us into bed. They gave Brian and I privacy with Tanner, then brought me something to eat. They helped get Tanner to latch on, and later measured and weighed him, right there on my bed so we could see him. For the next 5 days, Chinmayo came and checked on us.
    I feel very lucky to have such a pleasant and wonderful birth. I can't imagine having a baby any other way. The waterbirth was beautiful and such a gentle way to bring our Tanner into the world. Chinmayo was so supportive, I felt comfortable getting into my own world and let labor happen, knowing she would make sure that everything went well. And it did.

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    Initially, I felt very apprehensive about my wife Anya wanting to have a homebirth. However, in my mind, the alternative - the potential chaos of a hospital birth - proved an even less desirable choice. With a little time, I came to like the idea of delivering our baby in the familiar comfort of home, though I didn't feel completely confident in my abilities to assist with the birth.
    In an effort to prepare for the event in the best way possible, Chinmayo loaned Anya and I a stack of videos about natural home birthing. Additionally, we both communicated our fears and anxieties to her when they arose. The opportunity to confront our apprehensions with Chinmayo helped establish a relational bond with her, and helped assuage me of my own personal worries.
    Thankfully, there wasn't time to focus on the anxieties during the actual labor. Throughout the delivery, all of my attention was focused on assisting Anya and Chinmayo with their immediate needs and specific requests. Everything we did was done to insure the baby's safe delivery into the world.
    You become very present during the homebirth, without all the frenzy of doctors and nurses racing around, within the nest of your own living space, surrounded by loved ones. The fears and anxieties that consumed me before Anya'slabor slipped away without any effort, allowing me to feel more present and awestruck than I have ever felt before, and since our homebirth experience.

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    I was three weeks overdue. Naturally, being it was my first pregnancy, I had some concerns, but I knew in my heart Estella wasn't ready to come. We tried to induce naturally: homeopathies, herbs, castor oil, breast pumping, and even acupuncture. Estella was just as stubborn as her Mama. I was only apprehensive because in Alaska after 42 weeks, you must refer to a hospital, with the possibility of induction with drugs. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. I wanted nothing to do with the hospital.
    When I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted a homebirth, but I wanted to see an obstetrician as well. I wanted to take a balanced approach, that being both a medical and natural perspective. However, upon informing my medical providers I wanted a homebirth, they said they wouldn't continue to see me if I chose this option, because they didn't support homebirth, Too risky, they said. They explained their reasoning and basically scared me into thinking homebirth was a dangerous decision, for me and my baby.
    The next five months I had come to the conclusion I wasn't happy with the care I was receiving and realized I wanted a different approach. Over the course of five months I only saw my doctor twice, I dealt mostly with the nurses on duty. This concerned me because I wanted to know my doctor, feel that I would be 100% comfortable during labor. I needed to trust her. I felt that, in order for my birth to go smoothly, I must create a bond within the circle of people attending the birth. I was treated as if I were just a patient, not a person. I was given letters to inform me I was anemic, waited two days for a call back for an explanation that might reassure me I was OK and not to worry. This was not making me feel very secure about how I would be treated when I was in labor.
    I began to search for a way out. Then I stumbled upon an ad in the Alaska Wellness Magazine. It read Chidbirth with love, I thought, "this is exactly what I need: love." I called the number and just the sound of Chinmayo's voice made me feel so relaxed and assured. She was genuinely concerned with the kind of care I had been given. We discussed issues such as nutrition, a subject my doctor rarely focused on, and one that was most important, in my opinion. I knew I was in good hands, in loving hands, hands that would one day embrace my baby in the comfort of my own home, not in a sterile, stark hospital room surrounded by strangers.
    Christian and I lived up Crow Creek Road in Girdwood, Alaska, while I was pregnant. Crow Creek is completely off the grid, i.e., you are completely self-sustained. Although we had a water line and a homemade water system, we had no plumbing or phone lines, and our house was powered by a gasoline-fueled generator. We were approximately 4.5 miles up and into the mountains, a bumpy 20-minute car ride, then another 40 minutes to Anchorage, where the nearest hospital is. We intended to have the baby in our home, regardless of the risks. However I was three weeks late and the idea of not having a phone in case of an emergency, combined with distance between us and the closest hospital, became a concern for Chinmayo. Upon listening to her suggestion, we decided to have the baby in Anchorage, not at a hospital of course, but in Chinmayo's home. I figured it was a wise compromise, and indeed it proved to be as accommodating and comfortable, if not more than my own house.
    I began having contractions about 24 hours before the birth. As advised by Chinmayo, I waited until they became uncomfortable and closer together. We arrived in Anchorage around 3pm. Chinmayo had come to my home earlier that morning to check if I had dilated, at that point I had not, but my contractions were about half an hour apart. When I arrived at her house, I had already dilated to three centimeters. The contractions became more intense, and Chinmayo suggested a light walk to speed things up. Being this was my first pregnancy, we expected a longer labor.
    Contractions came about three to four minutes apart when Christian and I got to the park. I could barely walk three yards without stopping during contractions, and held on to Christian's arm for support. When we returned to Chinmayo's, I began to shake in between contractions. They had become very intense, and I was then dilated to six centimeters. At this point Chinmayo suggested a warm bath with aromatherapy, to help ease the pain. I lied on my side and moaned with each contraction. I felt as if I were in a meditative trance. I began to focus on my breathing and tried to stay relaxed. The warm water was very soothing. Chinmayo stayed with me in the bathroom, pouring water over my pelvic area, while Christian hurried to blow up the pool for our water birth; he had no pump and was blowing it up by mouth.
    As the contractions intensified I began to dilate faster, faster than Christian could blow up the pool. At nine centimeters I heard Chinmayo yelling: Hurry up Christian, we're having a baby! That's when I felt my first pushing sensation. Instinctually, I got on all fours, ready to push. At this point Christian was filling up the pool with a trashcan, and at ten centimeters I was ready to make the shift from bathroom to kitchen, where we placed the birthing pool. It was 8:00 pm. I couldn't resist the urge to push and with every contraction I screamed at the top of my lungs, pushing in agonizing pain. I held onto Christian's arms as if my life depended on it. With every contraction I tried to focus on his eyes, the intensity of the contractions, combined with pushing, was almost overbearing, but Christian's strength forced me to persevere. Chinmayo instructed me to deepen my voice to help lower the baby through the birth canal. At this point the primal instincts took charge and I begun to get aggressive and growl instead of scream. Christian growled along with me for support. This sped up the process quite a bit.
    The rest is mostly a blur but within minutes the head began to crown. Chinmayo asked Christian if he wanted to see our baby's head, but I wouldn't let go of him, he was my only anchor to reality. I felt that if I let go all my fears would come to the surface and I wouldn't have the strength to go on. With one more push the head came. Estella was already trying to breath so I couldn't lower my bottom into the water. With two more pushes, she came out and instantly I collapsed into the water. Chinmayo caught Estella. It was 08:20pm, the most intense 20 minutes of my life. All I wanted to do was sleep, I was exhausted and completely in shock. Chinmayo handed me Estella and as I held her, her eyes opened up at me. She was so calm, as if intrigued. I couldn't believe it; she was beautiful and had a full head of hair.
    Chinmayo had set up a room for us and gave us her bed to sleep on. I needed some time to take it all in and relax. I was still in shock and my body was shaking. Estella was wrapped in a towel while I got out of the tub. Both of us, still connected, went to bed to rest, before the umbilical cord and placenta were attended to.
    Chinmayo's apprentice Jackie and Kirsten, another midwife who helps Chinmayo by attending births, arrived. Chinmayo had called them twice earlier to let them know about my progress, but my birth went so fast that they didn't make it. After about 20 minutes Estella began feeding. I couldn't believe it, here in my arms, my beautiful baby already breastfeeding. When she was finished we cleaned her up and clothed her, but thought it was best to wait to bathe her until I had a good nights rest. I was finally ready to push out the placenta and cut the cord. Christian and I planned on saving the placenta and bury it underneath our home. The midwives examined me to make sure there were no tears, and everything seemed fine.
    Chinmayo fed me lentil soup and made sure I had plenty of fluids along with electrolytes to recharge my energy. We stayed with her the next two days to recuperate before heading back to Girdwood. She was an amazing help. I will forever be grateful for her enduring support and care. She fed me, changed me, and provided me with enough space to give me privacy to bond with my baby and Christian. My own mother missed the birth by about two weeks, so I didn't have anyone there to be a mother figure, but Chinmayo was all that and more. I think the experience will leave a lasting impression on her as well... after all, it was in her kitchen that Estella was born!

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